at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
