Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you would pick up someone in the library
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
