ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
