I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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