Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
