dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
