Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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