You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
