This girl is more easily done than said...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
