remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
