WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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