You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
