OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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