just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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