just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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