Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize