I am puke
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
