I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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