Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
