I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
