she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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