He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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