what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
