Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
