she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
