You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
