I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
