Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
