he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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