I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
