You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just cut my nipple shaving
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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