Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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