The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
