That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
