There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
