You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
