the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
