You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
