i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
