Don't worry. I has chaperone.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
