Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
