he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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