In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
