in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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