Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
