and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
