Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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