I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
