I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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