i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
