my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize