your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
