Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
