the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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