Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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