I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my liver is dry heaving
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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