I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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