It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
