I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
