there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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