party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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