So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
