I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
