farters have to be the big spoon...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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