i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
