probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
