As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
