Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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