So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
