I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
