to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize