I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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