Dual....:-)
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
