I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
