If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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