If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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