ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
