I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
