i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
