I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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