I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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