Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
