hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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