3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
