we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
