No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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